Movie Review: Firewall

Summary: This movie never even comes to a smolder. The plot is ridculously laughable, and the action sequences are even more hilarious. If you're a Harrison Ford fan you have to be asking yourself why he took this role.


I like Harrison Ford, and up until this point I can't think of one movie he starred in that I didn't like. Heck I even liked 7 Days, Seven Nights. (I still can't believe Anne Heche is gay! Ellen Degeneres? It's one thing to be hot and gay, but at least have good taste! Yech!) But I digress. This is the kind of movie that makes you wonder why Ford took this role. Paying off a favor for an old buddy? Maybe he lost a bet? Who knows but this movie is flawed from the beginning.

Plot: Ford's character is some big shot security guy at a major bank. He designs the computer security systems to safeguard against computer hackers. He and his family are being held hostage by a thug and his minions and will be killed unless he helps them rob the bank. They need him because only he can crack the security. Sounds good so far, right?

His character is married (Virginia Madison) with 2 children, both of which are extremely annoying. The boy also starred in Hostage with Bruce Willis which was a whole lot better than this movie. His wife is a famous architect and it just so happens that she designed the house they live in. Ain't forshadowing great? Only if it's used properly in the movie!!!!! Remember this for later in the review.

Ford gets into his car and notices the man he just had dinner with hops in the back seat and is now pointing a gun at him. "Your daughter has pretty eyes," he says to Ford. Then he shows a picture of his daughter taken by a cell phone. She is bound and gagged and is obviously in great pain. Ford lunges for him, but then remembers the guy has a gun. They get back to the house to find everyone tied up and hating life. 16 minutes later we find out why they are being held hostage! 16 minutes!!!!! Why did it take so long to get the plot going!!!

Ford is fitted with this high tech James Bond stuff before he's sent off to work. Pen that's really a video camera, and a tiny microphone. There's also a guy tailing him, and this same guy has this monitoring equipment in his car so he can see and hear everything that's going on. Right. Here's where the movie just gets plain silly. You mean to tell me that he couldn't write a simple note on a pen and paper to someone in his office letting them know he was being held hostage and to send the police to his house? Right. No one in his office wondered why he was acting so strangely? Right. He fires his secretary he's had for god knows how many years for no apparent reason and she doesn't get suspicious? Right. We later learn that he fires her only to advance the plot later on in the movie. Pathetic really. Here's the best part. Later on in the movie he is alone with the lead thug for the entire second half of the movie and he never tries to knock him over the head with a blunt object, then send the police to his home! Ford couldn't take that "limey Brit" out? Ha! This is the same guy that single handedly defended Air Force 1 against 100 terrorists, and the plane didn't crash!!!!!!!

Remember the forshadowing bit? Well, his wife designed the house so they devise a plan to escape. They are making their way through the air ducts and down into the garage. They all make it into the car, she starts it up and just as she's about to drive off the bad guy flashes a gun in the window and she's forced to abort her plan! Curses! Usually when forshadowing is used in a movie, any movie it almost always works out in favor of the victim meaning they usually don't get caught. They usually get caught earlier in the movie to build up suspense for the second attempt. They blew it on this one.

There are so many unbelievable sequences in this movie that it really makes it more of a comedy than the thriller/action movie it's supposed to be. Harrison Ford I'm ashamed of you! Next time don't sell out. Your fans deserve better than this heaping pile of pooh you've delivered here. Save your money on this one folks. If you want a good Ford action move stick with Airforce 1. It may not be totally believable, but at least its entertaining.

DT